When we first started talking about swinging as more than just a fun fantasy to talk about during sex we talked about the rules that we both wanted and what we wanted out of exploring swinging. The rules was actually an easy thing to agree on; we were both cautious of not going too far and of making sure that we were both comfortable. Most of the rules that we started with quickly went out the window after a few experiences though. What took some more conversations was how we would find other couples and whether we wanted to get to know them well before things got sexual, or whether we just wanted to jump into bed with an attractive couple. That is taking things a little more to the extremes than we talked about, but I wanted to illustrate the difference here.

Initially we decided it would be best to find people that could be friends; people we enjoyed spending time with whether we were having sex or not. We placed our hopes that we could find a couple that would become great friends with us. As we met more and more couples and went through that whole friendship cycle we came to the conclusion that trying to force a friendship was not the right thing to do. We’d find couples we found attractive and had fun with then try to make them ‘friends’ rather than just let things progress however they progressed. We also sought out people who were also interested in making friends which seemed to lead to some of our less than successful experiences.

At some point we sat down and talked about what was important to us and what we wanted out of swinging. We came to the realization that we thought we needed to be friends with a couple that we met for sex. Some kind of a rationalization left over from being single and dating I suppose; you’re supposed to have a connection with people you’re having sex with. We decided that it was ok to meet a couple purely for sex and that it was ok if we never developed any kind of friendship with them. As long as they were fun to be around when we are with them and we find them sexually attractive then we are happy to escalate things with them towards a sexual encounter.

Anyone else gone through a similar path? In talking to some other swingers, both in person and online, it seems to be a common progression.